The Manipulation That Almost Destroyed Me
- And What It Taught Me
I sat on my couch and couldn't stop shaking.
Three months after I had left the company, the truth had finally broken through completely. Not the sanitized version I had told myself. The brutal, unvarnished reality of what had happened to me.
He hadn't just used me. He had systematically manipulated me. Energetically drained me. Used my gifts against me. Abused my trust. Exploited my spiritual naivety.
And the worst part: I had allowed it.
Here's what nobody tells you about spiritual abuse: You only notice it when it's almost too late.
The Perfect Spiritual Predator
Let me tell you about someone who had perfected manipulation into an art form.
He wasn't the obvious narcissist with the inflated ego. He was subtler. More refined. More dangerous.
He spoke the language of spirituality fluently. Light. Love. Ascension. Consciousness. All the right words. All perfectly staged.
He didn't position himself as a guru - that would have been too obvious. He was the "humble servant" who just wanted to "help humanity." The "spiritual entrepreneur" who wanted to heal the world through business.
And me? I swallowed it. Completely.
Why? Because he did something that only the most sophisticated manipulators master: He made me the center of his vision. He wasn't the star - I was. My gifts. My knowledge. My abilities.
"You're the only one who can do this," he said. "Without you, this will never work."
My ego loved it. My spiritual warrior complex too. Finally, I was seen. Finally, my value was recognized. Finally, I could serve the world.
Bullshit. All of it.
The Anatomy of Spiritual Rape
What he did was energetic rape. Period.
He penetrated my energy field without permission. He tapped into my life force. He used my spiritual openness against me.
But he did it so subtly that I thought it was spiritual collaboration.
Every meeting I left more exhausted. Every session cost me more energy. Every interaction with him left me confused and drained.
"That's normal," he said. "Transformation is exhausting."
"That shows we're really working," he explained.
"You give so much of yourself," he praised.
I believed him. Because I wanted to believe.
Here's what really happened: He had perfected a system where others bled for his vision while he reaped the fruits. He was the CEO of an energetic Ponzi scheme.
Everyone in his environment was exhausted. Everyone gave more than they got. Everyone sacrificed themselves for his "great mission."
And if someone expressed doubts? "Your ego is rebelling against transformation."
If someone set boundaries? "You're blocking the flow."
If someone left? "They weren't ready for this work."
The perfect system. Self-sustaining. Self-justifying. Self-healing.
Why It Took Me So Long to See It
This question tormented me for months after my exit. How could I - someone with decades of spiritual experience - be so blatantly manipulated?
The answer is brutally simple: Because I had the right vulnerabilities.
My Gene Key 39 makes me a provocateur. I want to change systems for the better. When someone gives me a platform to improve the world, I jump on it.
My Core 52.5 makes me a stress warrior. I think I have to accomplish everything alone. When someone tells me "it won't work without you," I feel needed.
My SQ 36.3 makes me someone who learns through emotional turbulence. When a situation becomes chaotic, I think that's part of my learning process.
He read me like an open book. And played every key perfectly.
That's the insidious thing about spiritual abuse: It uses your gifts against you. It turns your strengths into weaknesses. It twists your best qualities into something destructive.
Botis and the Development of Serpent Sight
Months after my exit, I began working with demonic magic. Specifically with Botis - the demon of truth and recognition.
This wasn't coincidence. My soul knew what it needed: surgical clarity. The ability to see through all masks and facades.
Botis taught me something the spiritual world doesn't teach: Distrust first. Trust when it's earned. Not the other way around.
The spiritual world preaches: "Trust first, until you're disappointed."
Botis whispered: "Observe first. Test. Examine. Let people show their truth through actions, not words."
This approach feels wrong to spiritual people. Cynical. Unloving. Not "high vibrational."
But since I've been applying it, I haven't been manipulated a single time.
Distrust isn't the opposite of love. It's the foundation for real love. Because real love is based on truth, not illusion.
What I Learned About My Own Blind Spots
The hardest part of this experience wasn't the manipulation itself. It was recognizing my own complicity.
I wasn't just a victim. I was also an accomplice.
My spiritual narcissism wanted to be needed. My savior complex wanted to heal the world. My ego wanted to be important.
He gave me all of that. And I paid the price.
The brutal truth: Part of me knew the whole time that something wasn't right. My body warned me. My intuition screamed. My energy was constantly in alarm mode.
But I didn't listen. Because I wanted to hear what he said, not what my system was telling me.
That's the deepest betrayal: the betrayal of yourself.
The Healing: From Naivety to Sovereignty
Healing from spiritual abuse is different from other trauma. Because it attacks your spiritual identity. Your faith in goodness. Your trust in humanity.
I went through months of shame. Anger. Confusion. Self-doubt.
"How could I be so stupid?"
"Why did I overlook the signs?"
"Am I really that naive?"
These questions are poison. They keep you trapped in the victim role.
The healing questions are different:
"What made me vulnerable?"
"What patterns in me attracted this?"
"How can I sharpen my discernment?"
"What does my soul want to learn through this experience?"
The answer came through Botis: I was supposed to learn to become a spiritual warrior. Not the naive lightworker who trusts everyone. But the wise warrior who sees both light AND shadow.
What Spiritual Abuse Really Is
Here's what the spiritual community doesn't talk about regarding abuse: It's epidemic.
Wherever people with spiritual authority meet vulnerable seekers, potential for abuse emerges. And spirituality provides perfect justifications for it.
"It's for your highest good."
"You don't understand the bigger perspective yet."
"Your ego is resisting transformation."
"Trust the process."
These sentences are red flags. Anyone who uses them is manipulating you.
Real spiritual teachers respect your autonomy. They explain what they're doing and why. They give you power over your own decisions.
False spiritual teachers make you dependent on their interpretation of your reality.
The Gifts That Emerged from the Poison
This manipulation was the worst and the best thing that could have happened to me.
The worst, because it almost broke me. My trust in people. My trust in myself. My trust in spirituality.
The best, because it forced me to wake up. From spiritual naivety. From the victim role. From the illusion that all "spiritual" people have good intentions.
It gave birth to my new book on energetic sovereignty. My LUX method. My work as a Sovereignty Guide.
From the deepest shadow emerged my brightest light. Not despite the manipulation, but because of it.
That's alchemy. That's transformation. That's the path of the spiritual warrior.
The Warning I Must Give You
If you find yourself in a spiritual situation that constantly leaves you exhausted, confused, or drained: Listen to your body, not the words.
If someone claims you must go through them to reach your own power: Run.
If someone dismisses your doubts as "ego" or "resistance": That's gaslighting.
If someone makes you doubt your own perception: That's manipulation.
Your intuition is not your enemy. Your body doesn't lie. Your energy knows what's good for it.
Trust yourself. Always. Above all else.
The New Standard
Today I have a new standard for spiritual relationships:
If someone claims to be spiritual but drains my energy instead of nourishing it - get rid of it.
If someone uses spiritual language but takes manipulative actions - get rid of it.
If someone needs me to realize their vision - get rid of it.
If someone makes me dependent on their interpretation of my reality - get rid of it.
Real spirituality creates freedom. False spirituality creates dependency.
The distinction is simpler than you think: How do you feel after the interaction? Strengthened or weakened? Clearer or more confused? Freer or more dependent?
Your body knows the answer. Listen to it.
The Invitation to Sovereignty
This story isn't unique. It happens daily. In spiritual communities. In coaching relationships. In alternative healing modalities.
Wherever people search for answers, those ready to exploit that search are lurking.
The solution isn't to stop searching. The solution is to search sovereignly.
Sovereign seekers don't give away their power. They use teachers as mirrors, not as authorities. They trust their own connection to source more than any external voice.
That's the path of the future. The path beyond gurus and spiritual hierarchies. The path of direct connection. The path of energetic sovereignty.
Are you ready for it?
If you want to strengthen your own energetic sovereignty without falling into spiritual naivety or cynicism, then my LUX method is a way. It teaches you to activate your own unshakeable connection to source - without intermediaries, without dependencies, without bullshit.
The time of spiritual dependency is over. The era of sovereignty begins now.