I recently noticed how radically my perception has changed over the past months. This was actually surprising. I know, that we all change over time, but the radical way it happened in my perception is stunning and „I“ didn’t even notice it!
It happens from time to time, that you get in touch with people, writings or happenings from your past and wonder who this person was, that had this kind of interaction. Was this me? No, impossible…
Usually though, this happens in a reflection over many years, but in my case the most stunning thing is, that it happens with things I only experienced 6 months ago and other situations that happened „only“ 1-2 years ago, have already faded out of my consciousness entirely.
Spiritual Alzheimer or a true blessing?
So I came about something that was very important to me only a few months ago – something very disappointing – and there was no reaction whatsoever inside of me now to what I was witnessing.
Then the little voice inside called ego, suddenly started to talk
The ego voice told me, that it’s not normal to „not react“ and to overlook what I’m seeing. It argued, that if I wouldn’t act on this horrible wrongdoing I was witnessing, it would open the door for this person and others to take advantage of me. Basically the ego was telling me, that it’s time to get concerned, feeling betrayed and to reinstate justice!
While I was listening to its story of betrayal, devastation and humiliation, there was not only no reaction to the actual event, but neither to the storytelling about the event and its consequences.
I just watched both – the actual happening and the ego’s story – and the only thing I was shocked about, was that nothing happened inside of me at all! Am I suffering under some form of spiritual Alzheimer? Am I emotionally shut down? How come, that I didn’t notice this at all? I didn’t even see what was going on….
Then I realized, that what was happening – or better: what was not happening – is actually not a disease but the biggest blessing there is
Forgiveness is selective remembering
There are many definitions of forgiveness in A Course in Miracles. Simply for the fact, because there are so many ways we have already defined forgiveness in the past through what we learnt from different kinds of spirituality and religion. They all define forgiveness as what the Course calls „forgiveness to destroy“. According to these teachings, you perceive a wrongdoing and choose to „forgive“ it through an act of will or because you are told, that „to forgive“ is the right thing to do.
ACIM on the other hands
One way ACIM speaks about forgiveness is, that it is a selective remembering:
To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past, and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten. Forgiveness is a selective remembering, based not on your selection.
There are many juicy things contained in this short passage. Especially in the last sentence, it reminds us, that this forgetting is not our selection
How to notice true forgiveness
So what I experienced in the example above, was a sudden absence of what has been there before all my life. It was the absence of judgment and identification with it. When the ego began its usual talk about what was going on, I also could just watch it. There was no identification with the content of the allegations either. No wonder, that I hadn’t noticed it before, because it was much more an absence and not a presence of something.
This is a crucial point here. Since true forgiveness is the absence of judgment and not the presence of something you „do“, you may not even recognize right away, that what is going on is forgiveness at all.
So how do you notice then, that there is forgiveness going on?
The simple answer to that is, that you are experiencing peace.
You may hear the old ego talk and justifications, commenting on what is going on, but you are not able to take it seriously anymore.
It may tell you, that you have gone insane, not reacting to the wrongdoings of others, but the exact opposite is true. It is a mental sickness to judge – a sickness, that is solely based on the belief
Don’t worry, you won’t lose your ability to discriminate
The funniest part is the following: the egos biggest fear, when you stop taking its allegations not serious anymore is, that you may lose your ability to discriminate right from wrong. That’s – how to say this spiritually? – utterly bullshit.
In the example above, I still could see the bizarre theories of this person, and I knew, that they were only expressions of a desperate psyche, that wanted to justify their doing. I saw all the need of this person to steal and claim (my) ideas as theirs. I clearly could see, that what they were doing was wrong on the level of form, but not so on the level of content!
At this point I could have taken action steps – legally or otherwise – but all the time without losing my own sanity. It doesn’t matter what you do.
Sanity only lies in the unshaken knowledge, that I am one with God and not in any action you take. Thus peace is restored….
Your selective remembering will remove their existence from your mind.
You won’t even be able to see them. Your perception has changed because they get filtered out by your awareness.
Then you forget, that even this happened…
So I have written this insight down, because the moment I post it on my blog, spiritual Alzheimer kicks in and I won’t even remember…
Love and Blessings,