Emotional healing is a topic that is written about a lot. In this article, I want to cut to the core of it through the perspective of A Course in Miracles, based on my own experiences and insights.
First we have to understand the concept of „generalization“ in the course. We are constantly invited to generalize our insights in ACIM and what this means is, to see the value of any healing in the bigger context of the metaphysics of the course. Whatever is said in ACIM is never said to a body or the personal mind, but to to the „decision maker“ in our one universal Mind. So what we are invited to do, is to generalize personal insights onto the level of „one decision maker – one mind“, so that it is not anymore a question of personal taste and individual problem solving, but concerns everyONE every time as Mind.
In other words: We want to take an insight on the level of form and generalize it to the level of content, because there – and only there – true healing lies.
You are never upset for the reason you think
Very early in the workbook we find this lesson, that reminds us, that we are never upset for the reason we think. This is a very important basic topic in the course and I will give you an example from my „personal life“ and then generalize it to the core of emotional healing.
In my past, I was in a relationship with a narcissistic woman, who was not able to receive or share true love. Of course I was not aware of this back then. I loved her with all my heart and didn’t recognize, that it was all about her. When she left me, I was devastated and emotionally hurt beyond anything I had ever experienced before.
Back then I was trying to heal my emotional hurt through all different kinds of methods, therapy, energetic healing and on and on (what the course calls „magic“). Nothing really worked – it didn’t matter how well intentioned it was or how well trained and insightful my helpers were.
The reason for this was, that I thought, that I was hurt because she left me.
I thought, that I needed to heal the hurt of being left by a person who loved me and whom I loved so much. This believe was 100% wrong and not the true reason for my upset.
In hindsight it makes me laugh and wonder, how I ever could believe that to be true. Also I’m stunned by how beautifully life managed to teach me a very core message – so obviously, that I nearly missed it.
What I found out was, that in truth my emotional hurt was due to a belief, that I had lost something of uttermost value: love (and that it was to be found in another person)
Emotional Healing on the Level of Form
Let me state right at the beginning, that for the course any form of healing can’t be on the level of form, since form is only a pictorial representation of the content in Mind. The reason, why I’m still writing this section about healing in form is, because what we see and experience there, can help us to go to the underlying content, once we choose to do so.
Based on the example above, I first couldn’t see on the level of form, that my ex-partner didn’t love me at all, because she was not capable of love. I even thought, that it was my fault and her narcissistic behaviour was just „normal“.
What I had to learn on the level of form was, that (even there) I didn’t lose anything at all in losing the relationship.
Her leaving me was not a loss at all, because narcissists experience love as a trade and being unable to love or be loved unconditionally, this relationship had no value at all – not even in form. It was literally nothing.
So „emotional healing“ simply means, that you stop giving value to what is valueless. First and foremost seeing value where it is not – doesn’t matter how intense your ego wants it to be there.
You won’t heal unless you realize this and go onto the level of content.
As long as you keep on believing that one special person is the key and she holds value as a physical human being, you keep being stuck in an endless circle of healing and pain.
That includes all the ways we try to reframe our bad experiences to see it „positive“, including „There have been better times“ or „I did profit from the relationship“ etc etc. This is making the illusion real.
Remember, that value can be either positive or negative – it doesn’t matter which it is, as long as it is some kind of value, we are indulging in specialness and can’t heal. This is, why most (if not all) forms of therapy fail.
They simply try to give a different value (a positive instead a negative one) to a situation, but fail to recognize that any value given to a person or situation keeps you stuck on the same level of form and prevent you from true healing.
Healing on the Level of Content – where true healing lies
Now here comes „generalization“ into play. Once seen in a specific life situation like the one above, you want to generalize it to every situation.
This is an easy step, when life is so kind to provide you with a partner who is obviously valueless, but becomes more difficult in overcoming emotional hurt and dependency, where there seems to be some kind of inherent value – let’s say with a special partner with whom you previously shared a loving relationship (or at least think you have).
This is not to say to avoid special relationships that appear to be loving. What it says is, that their true value lies beyond the specific one you are projecting onto it.
In the course this true value is called „a holy relationship“ and is the word used to describe the process of constant forgiveness, which means to stop seeing value where there is none.
To be more precise, a holy relationship is the state of mind you are in, where your focus is on the content and not the special form.
Once you stop seeing specific value in a person, relationship or situation you are truly free and nothing can disturb your peace. This is a peace, that can’t be threatened because it doesn’t depend on any externals.
To get to this place where you are constantly aware that you are Mind and not a body in form, you have to practice forgiveness, which corrects your misperceptions. Correction is only needed as long as there is misperception of value and therefore forgiveness and the holy relationship keep on being in your awareness as a teaching tool as long as they are needed.
To sum it up: If you want to be truly healed, you have to first be aware, that you are never upset for the reason you think. Whatever the specifics are around a situation that caused you emotional pain, the true reason is always that you are seeing a value (positive or negative) where there is none. Emotions of any kind are only a result (and never cause) of perceiving value in the world of form. This doesn’t make you wrong or bad, but simply insane, because true value is only to be found in the content of Mind.
The core of emotional healing is seeing yourself as what you truly are: one mind – one heart – one truth.
Always in all ways…
Love and Blessings,