Once every decade or so, I write an article that is outstanding, because it sums up a deep insight, that needed years of development and then comes as a sudden realization that changes everything. Pure clarity and a knowledge beyond any doubt. This is it.
Most of the implications you will read here I have heard hundreds of times and they never touched the core of my being, but once it did, everything looked different.
When you read some of my articles, you will know, that I see the universe as a dream, that we made up to prove our individuality and separation from God, and with that, there comes a load of guilt. This is not something new, but I never realized, why we see this world, although the „goal“ for me was obviously always to wake up.
It is disturbing, when you think that your sole focus is on the Divine and you still see a world full of suffering. This split in our Mind is on the one hand obvious – especially when you studied A Course in Miracles over some time – but why do we continue to see a world made up by the ego and full of guilt, when we so deeply long for Divine Oneness?
To find out the why and with that the purpose of the world of form, it needed a quality, that I always thought I had, but didn’t realize that it was covered up by layers of resistance. This quality is radical honesty.
This means to look at the obvious without being distracted by the egos smoke and mirrors.
I read a lot about the 4 obstacles to peace in ACIM. They are „the attraction of guilt“, „the attraction of the body“, „the attraction of death“ and „the fear of God“.
Now I was perfectly aware, why these obstacles are called „attraction“ on a mental level, but until this insight hit my heart, I didn’t really know what this meant in my daily life.
On the intellectual level it means, that we are attracted to all the ways the ego tries to prove its existence. It fears Gods Love because this endless Love will melt away all its specialness, and uses the body and the idea of death as a proof of its „real“ existence. Beyond that is a layer of guilt, that we did the impossible (= separation from the Divine), that works as a glue to stick its thought system together and hide the attraction behind it. So far – so clear. As clear as mud…
Your wish is my command
The realization that hit me like a bang was:
I really want to be separated and special!
Now this may not sound like a big deal, but let me explain, why it is to me.
I always thought, that what I really wanted was 100% Oneness and Love, while the world of form was some kind of penalty – a punishment by God or the ego or whatever – to „learn“ what I still needed to learn.
Instead I realized,, that the world of form is my decision because I want to be special and separated.
In fact, I love to suffer pain and guilt more than Oneness and can’t get enough of it! So it’s not only that I decide wrongly for the ego instead of the Holy Spirit out of some horrible mistake I make, but that this is a very purposeful decision out of an immense „love“ and „want“ to be separated!
With that mind-blowing realization, I also saw, that everyone has this same wish, and we always get what we want!. Always!
In other words: We want to suffer! We cherish it. It is the lifeblood of the ego and it works like a charm!
The power of the decision maker
Now one realization after the other entered my mind and it became crystal clear, how immensely powerful we are as the decision maker in our Mind.
The important part is, that this has nothing to do with the world of form, that makes us suffer, but it first happens on the level of Mind – since everything happens on the level of Mind, because there is literally no world.
To make this clearer let me share with you another deep insight:
We are not limited because of the world of form, but because we want to see limitation and the world of form is an expression (= a shadow) of this limitation.
The world of form is therefore a perfect expression of our wish to be separated. It is the outward picture of our inner wish.
We are indeed immensely powerful in making our wishes „a reality“ through our belief in them – and it’s only the belief, that gives them reality.
The only problem is, that our true wish, that underlies every other wish, is the impossibility to be an individual separated from the Divine.
Since „ideas leave not their source“, every other wish that follows this first one, is also impossible and therefore illusionary!
The immense power lies only in the decision maker, who can decide for illusions and make them seem real.
Why do I constantly decide for suffering?
Now when we realize, that our deepest wish is not to be in Oneness and Divine Love as we may have proclaim our whole life, but to be special and individual, we feel immense guilt for always deciding wrongly.
Especially as we grow older and advance on our spiritual path – we have written „Oneness & Love“ on our flag, but in reality we still cherish our specialness and worship the ego altar. This can come as a shock.
It least did for me…
This was, when I first really understood, what Jesus meant in A Course in Miracles with this passage:
How can you teach someone the value of something he has deliberately thrown away? He must have thrown it away because he did not value it. You can only show him how miserable he is without it, and slowly bring it nearer so he can learn how his misery lessens as he approaches it. This teaches him to associate his misery with its absence, and the opposite of misry with its presence. It gradually becomes desirable as he changes his mind about its worth. I am teaching you to associate misery with the ego and joy with the spirit. You have taught yourself the opposite. You are still free to choose, but can you really want the rewards of the ego in the presence of the rewards of God? (T-4.VI.5)
We simply have no idea what has real value and what not!
The Goal of ACIM
The goal of the Course is not to be ego free, but to not feel guilty over the fact that we constantly decide wrongly!
Again this is crucial:
The goal is not to feel guilty over our constant decision to choose the egos world of suffering instead of the Holy Spirit, but to look at this continuous wrong decision with the loving and gentle eyes of Love.
This is the only thing we are asked to do!!
It is called the „little willingness“ in the Course.
So we are not asked to stop deciding wrongly through an act of immense will, but to only be aware of what we are doing! That’s all.
Again, we have no idea, what has real value and what not, so there is no way to force us to do something, we don’t even know the value of!
What we learn, when we start to see the world as a classroom instead of a prison, is how much we want to be special and how much suffering we endure to stick with this goal. We only get aware of the suffering over time, and learn about the alternative thought system of the Holy Spirit, so that we can lovingly and gently become aware of what we are really deciding between.
As long as we still belief, that deciding for the ego is our best choice because it is our only choice, we just say: „Let me sleep! I enjoy dreaming!“
This Course is not here to make your dream a better one. It’s sole purpose is to wake you up – and this comes with realizations, that are as intense as the ones I just shared with you.
Love and Blessings,